adj. LACKING RESTRAINT IN SPENDING MONEY OR USING RESORCES
Lady Gaga wears Lorraine Schwartz
This matching set of ring and earrings look more like weapons used by the worlds most fabulous ninja. With Gaga's talent for playing dressing up, who knows ...maybe she IS a mythical Japanese killer? Each assassination costs three million pounds, plus VAT.
Heide Klum & Selena Gomez wear Lorraine Schwartz
Ah, it would seems the ninja weapon look is in. Here are a couple more undercover killers infiltrating Hollywood to get close to their target... let's hope it's Kristin Stewart! Heide seems to have gone the extra mile here fashioning some kind of make-shift armour out of broken mirror and sweets.
Kim Kardashian wears Lorraine Schwartz
Kim Kardashion, famous for... er, her sex tape and PR team? ...is also wearing Lorraine Schwartz in this Diamond studded neck brace. Kanye is a domestic abuser? I didn't say that. I have nothing but respect for both Kim and Yeezy for the happiness they bring to the world.
Stephen Webster’s Lady Stardust Couture Cuff & Thorn Ring
Ah, Stephen Webster, the self-styled rock 'n' roll jeweller... if that particular rock 'n' roll was performed by Status Quo. That ring looks entirely impractical, but to be fair (and I'm all about fair) the bangle is quite a thing. I like the gaming table in the background, it screams 'classy'.
Stephen Webster's Cuff & Black and White Diamond Bracelets
Yeah, it's the same cuff but this time in situ on some birds wrist so you can get a sense of scale. Fun Fact: 'Black Diamonds' are in fact Diamonds of sub-gem quality that are irradiated to make them very, very, very, very dark green... like non-priest socks. They are pretty much worthless.
Chanel’s Rose & Star Rings
Nothing says 'I'm a delicate girl with incredibly high maintenance' like a flower made out of Diamonds but I'm not so sure about the Diamond star... what is that saying? 'I'm a wealthy astronaut'? ...maybe "I gender identify as a cartoon Disney Princess, don't trigger me!"?
Nicole Kidman wears L’Wren Scott
1,399 carats of diamonds? More ostentatious than Liberace's bedspread? A $7million price tag? Oh, wait... didn't she have to endure a sham marriage to psychotic midget Tom Cruise? Dude, give her a pass. It kind a looks like a whale has sneezed on her too, poor girl.
Cara Delevingne wears Chopard
This is the actress who plays The Enchantress in that DC movie Suicide Squad (cough, cough, critically panned, cough, cough) ...for the love of God she should cast a reduction spell on those eyebrows, it looks like two angry slugs are about to go mano-a-mano on her forehead.
Chloe Grace Moretz wears Forevermark
Speaking of eyebrows, here comes Hit Girl! Those things look like they belong on Liam Gallagher. That thing she's got in her lug cost more than a Ferrari but it looks like it's given her some sort of flesh eating infection to me, her ear is the colour of a Testarossa. REFUND!
Jennifer Lawrence & Harry Potter's Bird wear Ear Things
Oh my god, is Jennifer Lawrence a vampire? She's the colour of illness! Those Diamonds are lost against her white ear. Herminomio on the other hand, tan and fabulous as long as you can get past the fact that she looks exactly like Professor Richard Dawkins.
Kate Bosworth wears Dolce & Gabbana
Lois Lane rocked up at the 2016 Met Gala wearing a platinum, gem set and Diamond tiara and what can only be described as Diamond personal body armour. Our source is unconfirmed but we believe it was fashioned specifically for her by those Dwarfs under the Lonely Mountain.
Gwyneth Paltrow wears 'Hearts of Winter' by Anna Hu
While we're riffing on Tolkien, isn't that one of the rings of power bequeathed to the Elves? The Diamond cuff bangle looks like a precarious set up, I bet it can shed Diamonds. Fortunately, when she's had enough of it Gwyn doesn't take it off... her and the cuff consciously decouple.
Charlize Theron wears Harry Winston
Y'know what? This works. Charlize Theron isn't wearing anything else that detracts or competes with Harry Winston's four and a half million dollar creation. Well played ...that hairstyle though, it's like Brigitte Nielsen and Ellen Degeneres in one terrible, terrible combo.
Adriana Lima & Tyra Banks wear Victoria's Secret
So, a three million dollar bra? Man! That is some seriously disposable income! It doesn't even come with the uncomfortable and somehow less popular gem encrusted knickers. So... what exactly is Victoria's secret? £15 Arthur Read Jeweller gift certificate to the most creative theory!
Nick Cannon wears Tom Ford
As Dorothy once repeated ad nauseum "There is no place like home" but then, she didn't live with Mariah Carey. How fast do you reckon he could run away from the 'challenging' siren in these kicks? She was remembering how much they cost when she forgot her lyrics on NYE.