Stephen Webster

THE ROCK 'N' ROLL JEWELLER

There is an early episode of The Simpsons where Homer learns he can take a cannonball to the stomach without dying and is hired as a novelty act to go on tour with a bunch of 90's Indy bands. At one point Billy Corgan refers to Homer thus "He personifies everything about rock 'n' roll... except the music"


Stephen Webster MBE is so rock 'n' roll that he was honoured by the Queen for making jewellery, talks with a Cockney accent even though he's from Kent and drives everywhere on an enormous, noisey Harley Davidson. For all his Faux Keith Richards wannabe act is transparent and a little tragic, the guy is trying his best to make jewellery cool and for this we applaud him.


However, all the edgy tattoo's and celebrity name drops in the world can't elevant a ring slinger if his product is crap. Fortunately Stephen Webster's jewellery is incredible both in style and price tag, I mean... Jesus, just look at it!


A double phalanges ariculated lobster ring is exactly what you need to wear to your coming out party if you're a North Sea trawlerman. Finally, an elegant solution for a desperate market.


Black Opalescent ...which I reckon is a rock 'n' roll way of saying fake opal, set in white gold and emblazened with what I hope are sapphires and black diamonds.

£18,800


Is it a flower? Is it a teardrop? Is it a question mark? Who cares.


The description for this lad is simply White Gold so we have no idea what those stones are, however I think we can have a fairly save stab at amethyst, tournaline, pink sapphire and garnet.

£13,100


It looks like one of the then amazing but now appaling CGI spaceships from the end of The Abyss or maybe a giant jellyfish ...which thinking about it is maybe what those naff spaceships were supposed to look like now I think about it.


Custom cut amethyst over mother of pearl and set in white gold.

£9,400


This looks amazing, like something a French Aristocrat's wife would wear while holed up on the lam eating, cake and trying to avoid getting her head lopped off.


Another vague description on this lad, just says White Gold. It's got to be Sapphire though at that price!

£32,700


This is part of his For Men range but I think it would fit in the For Serial Killers range better, specifically Sweeny Todd. Just imagine how awesome that range would be; you could have Ted Bundy's rose gold crutch or an articulated John Wayne Gacy clown pendant.


Malachite and Silver ...and if you're reading this Stephen, that was my idea, don't be pinching it!

£700


Hmmm, what DO you buy her for her birthday; perfume? But you don't know what she likes. Maybe some new shoes, chicks dig shoes right? But hang on, she already owns five hundred pairs and they all look the same.


This is a brooch described as White Gold. It looks like more of the Black Opalescent he mentioned earlier with cabochon cut sapphire and black diamonds.

£32,700


Linda Carter ...yeah dads, you know I'm talking about! Bring some of that excitement into the home with your own Wonder Woman Bracelets of Submission (that's what they're called, look it up) and while you're at it maybe incorporate a home made Lasso of Truth (look that up too).


This armful has no description at all but they are clearly high quality diamonds. I'm not sure how secure a four claw setting is on something that's gonna get knocked about like this is.

£129,000


She's a delicate princess right? She's a unique snowflake, silly and skittish and unequipped to deal with the world. She needs protection by a man. She's a pink butterfly.


Pink Opal and Qurtz set in rose gold. Also looks like there are some diamonds in there too for good measure.

£7,400


This looks like something The Devil would buy his bird for Christmas ...although, thinking about it they probably wouldn't celebrate that would they. Maybe Halloween? Yeah, those butterflies look like they have bats wings to me anyway.


The description is just Rose Gold but I can see white and black diamonds with rubies. This looks like a proper finger full!

£18,600


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