Top 5

PRETENTIOUS JEWELLERY ADVERTS

L'Odyssée De Cartier

CARTIER

Discover the new Cartier film, a journey between dream and reality. For the very first time, Cartier has decided to create a cinema epic focusing on its history, its values and inspiration, its artistic and universal scope.


Yep, you nailed it Cartier.


The Unique Connection

PANDORA

As a small experiment of women’s uniqueness and the special bond between a mother and child, we met up with 6 wonderful women, and asked them to let us blindfold their most precious loved ones. Their children!


…and this has what to do with naff charm bracelets?


The Noise Next Door

DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE JEWELLERY

As part of The Noise Next Door’s Comedy Lock-In on Friday 1st August we filmed a custom made ‘arty’ advert for Down The Rabbit Hole Jewellery. Here it is in all it’s touching, powerful glory.


This advert made me feel physically nauseous. Students are bad enough but ‘arty‘ improv drama students are a problem that should be dealt with.


Success Is A Mind Game

TAG HEUER

This one is so pretentious that the only press release I could find for it was written in French. I’d would have run it through Google Translate but the ‘smugness’ overload could have destroyed the internet.


Heresy

BJØRG

“Norwegian jewellery brand BJØRG says its new 2012 collection “is a venture through dreamlike landscapes. The inspiration is drawn from mythology and tales, playing with escapist and Romantic fantasies. The collection makes up an odyssey of imagination, mystique and poetry, switching between dreams and reality, thus welcoming Dark Knights, Pale Moons, Magic Hours and Misty Mountains.”


This is like some hipster version of The Wicker Man. If you visit the BJØRG website you’ll discover that their jewellery is just as ‘arty’ as their advertising campaigns.


Seriously… does anybody watch this and think “YES! Finally, a jeweller who speak to me!“? I’m gonna suggest not.



The Problem

WITH ARTY FARTY ADVERTISING

This type of advertising really highlights one of the main problems with modern consumerism. People are sold products through ‘artistic’ advertising that has absolutely NO bearing on the actual product.


This isn’t a new thing, some of these adverts are over 10 years old. In fact this type of advertising is an evolution of the 1950’s style post-war “selling a brighter future” where the product is secondary to the emotion the advert is attempting to evoke. It’s the same reason gent’s watch adverts always feature pilots and racing drivers as opposed to civil servants or waiters and every TOWIE viewer wants to wear the same overpriced tat as this weeks talentless, media clothes-horse.


What happened to customers wanting to buy a reliable, high quality item that is valued upon it’s tangible merits? …easy, it never really existed because that type of honest marketing isn’t effective. In general, most people don’t actually want information, they either want distraction or ‘elevation’ by proxy and these are the primary principles advertising works on.


Most companies sell a hilariously unattainable lifestyle and this is the true genius of advertising. When the customer buys a product based upon something intangible, i.e. “this product will make me feel worthy/elitist/a sense of belonging” or “Kim Kardashian uses this product, I use this product, therefore by deductive logic I AM KIM KARDASHIAN!“, it is doomed to fail and the cycle of consumerism spins because it is against the survival instinct of a business (and by extension the advertising companies) to produce a fully satisfactory product otherwise you are ending your relationship with the consumer.


Much as we try to consciously act as free agents of commerce it would be a lie to say that we are not affected by the invisible current of advertising that swirls around us every second of the day… otherwise we wouldn’t all own a pair of CROCS


.…anyway, buy some jewellery, it’ll make you feel better about stuff.